Logging on.

Would you believe that I forgot how to login to my own blog? I had to google it, but no worries, I am here! That tells you a couple things: 1) I either suffer from mom brain, or, 2) It has been a looooooooong time. And really it’s both.

First, about my absence, because strangely enough I think about it a lot. I named this blog My For Real Life for a reason. If you’ve read the story, then you know it was a play off of my answer to Denys and I getting engaged. I like to think of our life now as the “for real” statement to my million “for real?” questions of surprise (if your confused, read the story). Anyway, I also like to be authentic. Real. Vulnerable. And that is mainly why I had to stop. For awhile, I could not be my authentic self in writing here anymore. It felt so hypocritical to have a blog called My For Real Life, when I could not tell you about my real life at the moment. About those things that kept me up at night and caused my head to spin. Even about the victories and day to day celebrations. I didn’t know how to share all the good and not the bad, while somehow still keeping it real. So I stopped.

Meanwhile, I have had plenty of other outlets, friends and family included, that allowed me to feel safe enough to open up and keep my integrity. Because truthfully, I just could not do that here. I couldn’t put out the fluff for the fun of it and feel okay. It wasn’t worth it. I’m the type that loves to share, and while I would like to share more, the world wide web can be a scary place. Not safe for my wounds, neither then nor now.

The great thing about hard times though is growth. It’s amazing how I can look back at myself only a year+ ago and think, “WHO was that girl? She had NO clue.” And I’m sure I’ll continue to do that the rest of my life as I live and learn. Do we ever have a clue? The past couple years for me though have been huge in terms of growth. I’m different. I have new perspectives. I’m more aware of myself and what makes me ME, as well as more aware of others. It’s refreshing and exhausting. Still, growth is a beautiful thing and I feel more connected now to everyone around me than I ever have before.

So, why am I logging on now?

On February 23rd of this year, our little girl was born. In the past, I usually shared my birth stories on a previous family blog. Rereading those posts are a treat and I treasure those memories beyond worth. So, even though I haven’t kept up with this blog for a loooooooooong time, I feel the need to document that day. And when I say day, I mean months. Crazy baby laboring months. Exciting, huh?

I will most definitely log on soon (now that I remembered how) to tell you all about it!

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