Fears going back to work

If you’ve been reading, then you know that a little over a month ago I started a part time job in a dental office. There were a lot of different emotions that I felt when making this step so I thought I’d talk about them and how it’s been going. For the most part, I’ve been at home 100% of the time with my kids except when I was finishing school and Sasha was little. I had no idea what to expect going back to work.

I feared that I would worry about my kids too much.
I feared that I’d exhaust myself to the max, having no energy for family.
I feared that my home would be a never ending mess.
I feared that my kids would miss me — OR — I feared that my kids wouldn’t miss me at all.
I feared I’d impose on others to take care of my kids.
I feared that somehow our family relationships would suffer.

However, when I found this job I felt a peace that was strong enough to help me take the leap. These are very natural fears in this situation, but they have been far from the reality.

Being back in a dental office part time has me pleasantly surprised. In fact, I actually feel like it has improved our quality of life in many ways. Now that I’ve said that outloud (in writing) I feel a little guilty…being away from my kids makes life better?? That’s not exactly what I mean, but I suppose somewhat.

I love being at home with my kids. I love our time together, whether it’s the lazy days or adventurous ones, it’s very fulfilling and enjoyable. But there is a limit. I can, and do, get overwhelmed and crave adult interaction. I reach for ground outside the mom bubble just to know that there is more out there. Yet, that outside place just ends up reminding me once again that the most important things in life are those tiny people.

What I guess I want to say is that I never seem to get tired of one or the other, work or kids (if you don’t ever get tired of your kids then you blessed in so many ways). Working part-time has balanced a lot of the inner chaos that I experience, helping me to be a better mom and wife. Yeah, I’m not home to clean up the messes a couple days of the week, but it’s usually messy anyway. And I do worry about my kids, but in a normal healthy amount. And then I squeeze and love them harder than I ever have before. Nothing is suffering like I feared. I seem to get more done simply due to the fact that I have less time to do it all. It’s a mystery to me, but a miracle as well.

Another plus – these boys get to spend quality time together.

My primary job is a mother. That’s what I want. I have learned though, that when it comes to other wants/desires for ourselves and the fear of change to obtain them, it’s worth taking chances. Things have a way of working out when our hearts are in the right place, so take courage.


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