Something that I have yet to talk much about is motherhood. When I started this blog, I decided that I wouldn’t write much about my kids simply because I want to respect and protect them. However, they are very much a part of my FOR REAL life. They are my life! I’m with them almost 24/7 and even when I’m not with them, it’s kind of hard to not think or talk about them. Being a mom is a huge job, so allow me to incorporate part of it here on my blog. 🙂
For some, motherhood comes earlier than later. For some, it comes later or, possibly even never, whether by choice or complications. We all have different experiences and journeys that we have to face, deal with, and find joy in. For me, motherhood came much sooner than I had planned. Den and I had just moved back to America so I could finish my BA at University of Utah and I had been too distracted by everything going on to even consider being pregnant. My sister announced her pregnancy and that is when I started to go “hmmmm…..maybe I am too?” A week later I took a pregnancy test in a Jimmy John’s bathroom (awesome sandwich place here) and voila. I could no longer deny the feeling that I had. Although, I did. And proceeded to take another test at a friend’s apartment to be 100% certain. Pregnant.
I wish I could say that I was full of excitement, but I was terrified. I still feel guilty about this, but I can’t change that moment. No happy dance. No hugging for joy. Just a lot of slow motion “noooooooo”s escaping my mouth. Can you really blame me though? We had only been married for 3 months, just moved across the world, I was a full time student, searching for a part time job, living in my parents basement, OH…and my husband was going through the very beginning stages of the immigration process. Do not be fooled, this process is no cake walk! For the next 9 months, my entire pregnancy, he would sit at home with nothing to do. No work. No friends. No car. No money. I’d say that fear is a normal feeling to have in this situation.
Thankfully, it didn’t take long to become excited as well! (And sick. And crazy, thanks, hormones.) But seriously, we were really happy to have a son on the way and start a family together. A happy celebration dance did happen, and multiple times. During this time I was so busy, tired, and distracted, that I didn’t even notice how hard life probably was. Although, I did complain a lot. Looking back on it now though, I’m just glad we got through it. Our marriage survived, I got through two semesters of school, had a baby (6 weeks early), and Denys finally got a work permit and a job. We did it. And of course we absolutely love our kids and being parents, even when they are major stinkers.
I share this part of my experience not for pity or sympathy, but simply so that you can all get to know the real me. This is how I started not only motherhood, but also my marriage. It may not have been ideal, but I would not change a single thing (cliche, I know). I love that part of my life. No matter how motherhood/parenthood/marriage/life happens, we each have our struggles and we each have our joys. And if I need to say something profound and heart wrenching to wrap this up, then it’d be, “come what may, and love it“.
“If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.” – Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin